Steve Clifford

“Today, Jared Kushner is the only comic on Dad’s level. Have you seen Jared’s Mideast peace plan?”

Recent findings strengthen my case. Neurologists have discovered a disorder called NASCAR cortex. “Watching cars circle a racetrack for 3-1/2 hours, while hoping in vain to witness a ghastly accident, severely degrades synaptic communication within the neocortex.

A Snide Steven tries and fails to get Alexa clued in to the pandemic's costs. Alexa answers with crocodile tears and Amazon propaganda.

"It has been a great Spring. The Mariners are enjoying their best season in 20 years. All board retreats and planning sessions are cancelled. Week after week with no flip charts, no magic markers, no breakout groups, no facilitator praising blather as great ideas."

"I am planning a three-hour television special, 'The Toughest Decision in History,' where I will announce the biggest decision I have ever faced, in fact, the biggest decision that any political leader has ever faced. It will be incredible TV. Tremendous TV."

Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to me, and me alone. Only I can fix this.

“Our new model portfolio is 45% gold mining stocks, 45% canned food, and 10% timeshare interests in fallout shelters.”

Calling for a Senate investigation, Trump said, “Let’s subpoena all of the records of the low IQ coronavirus’ dealings with Hunter Biden and Burisma. Disgraceful.”

In purging Trump from your mind, my wife advised, “Start with something simple. In March begin with the beastly length of his ties. In April add that for all his money, he employs cheap tailors and none of his suits fit."

Councilmember Teresa Mosqueda, a former labor organizer, said, “Goods jobs are killing the unions. No one making $200,000 wants to be represented by inept union hacks. We need more dreadful jobs to keep the labor movement strong and vital.”