76 F
Seattle
Friday, July 1, 2022

Being the DJ in my Head Should be a Dream Job. Alas…

Image by Darwin Laganzon from Pixabay

Recently I read Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf’s stream of consciousness novel. Woolf pulls the reader into each character’s head, observing not only the content, but the structure and process of cognition — the slow drift of ideas and the transitions between thoughts.

This is not the consciousness that I experience. I have a DJ who lives in my head. He randomly plays songs. Woolf’s characters don’t have DJs in their heads. Though muddled and confused, at least their thoughts are not constantly interrupted by archaic pop tunes.

Being the DJ in my head should be a dream job. The music of my dating years, starting with the birth of rock and roll and ending when the Beatles broke up, was Florence in the Renaissance, the Dutch Golden Age, Periclean Athens. The DJ in my head can select from the incomparable repertory running from Fats Domino and Buddy Holly to the Jefferson Airplane and Janis Joplin.

Unfortunately, my DJ has hideous taste in music. He loves songs from my prepubescent days in the early 1950s. Songs like How Much Is That Doggie in the Window:

How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that doggie’s for sale

I read in the papers there are robbers
With flashlights that shine in the dark
My love needs a doggie to protect him
And scare them away with one bark

He often plays this song for three days straight.

My DJ has a phenomenal recall of the insipid. For example, I heard the repellent 1957 song, Coney Island Holiday Hop, only once in my life.  It is so deservedly obscure that it is now undiscoverable by Google. But the DJ in my head remembers and replays every tedious note and inane lyric:

Meet me at eight o’clock,
Down by the dock,
And we’ll hop that Coney Island boat
Man call it all aboard
I got a cravin’ for
Cotton Candy,
Apple on a stick
I love you with a dress on
At the beach with less onHocus, pocus
I’m in focus

My DJ plays Coney Island Holiday Hop in heavy rotation. He ranks it in the all-time top 10, right up there with Rock and Roll Waltz by Kay Starr and Perry Como’s 1950 hit HoopDeeDoo:

Hand me down my soup and fish
I am gonna get my wish
Hoop-dee-doin’ it tonight
.

I like opera, but if I request Organella il terro umile, a duet from Simon Boccanegra, my DJ plays instead:

Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts
They’re such short shorts
We like short shorts.

He knows he can’t be fired. His job carries both union and civil service protection.

Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford, the former CEO of KING Broadcasting, has written humor for Crosscut.com and the Huffington Post. He is the author of "The CEO Pay Machine."

Post Alley welcomes comments to our articles. Our guidelines: no personal attacks, stay on topic, add something of value to the discussion. Our editors will edit comments for clarity and to conform with our guidelines. We encourage writers to use their full names.

4 COMMENTS

  1. I know the feeling. I have some great tracks in my rotation, but every once in a while the needle drops on

    “She
    Had
    A
    Itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini . . .”

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

LATEST

Time to Lower the Heat in the Post-Roe Commentary

3
If the SCOTUS decision is the beginning, not the end, of the debate, we will need a lot more thoughtful commentary. Here are some examples.

Bolting for the Bigs: USC, UCLA Abandon PAC-12 for Big Ten (UW Next?)

10
It’s official now that the industry has fallen off the edge of the flat Earth propped so long by the mythology of amateurism.

Inside City Hall’s Serious Budget Shortfall

7
The multimillion-dollar gap -- viewed in the perspective of an annual budget in the $7 billion range -- is perhaps not horrific. But it still is bound to impact what the city can achieve towards meeting its on-going needs and ambitious social goals.

Battling Cancer, B.C. Premier Horgan to Step Down

1
Horgan, leader of the New Democratic Party, was a temperamental opposition leader but has proven an avuncular head of government. 

Pot Industry Versus its Workers

2
A new political action committee, People for Legal Cannabis, is gearing up to fight any effort by outsiders such as the UFCW to empower their workers. 

TRENDING

Bolting for the Bigs: USC, UCLA Abandon PAC-12 for Big Ten (UW Next?)

10
It’s official now that the industry has fallen off the edge of the flat Earth propped so long by the mythology of amateurism.

Inside City Hall’s Serious Budget Shortfall

7
The multimillion-dollar gap -- viewed in the perspective of an annual budget in the $7 billion range -- is perhaps not horrific. But it still is bound to impact what the city can achieve towards meeting its on-going needs and ambitious social goals.

Time to Lower the Heat in the Post-Roe Commentary

3
If the SCOTUS decision is the beginning, not the end, of the debate, we will need a lot more thoughtful commentary. Here are some examples.

The Supreme Court: Republican Majorities Since 1970

10
In fact, in every year since 1970, the majority of Supreme Court justices have been Republican appointees. Since the beginning of Chief Justice Warren Burger’s court until the death of Justice Ruth B. Ginsberg, there have been 31 Republican appointed-justices and 8 Democratic appointed-justices sitting on the Supreme Court.The Supreme

The Complicated Legacy of Julia Child

3
The show may be a fictionalized version of Child’s groundbreaking TV success, but it portrays struggles by women for recognition and equality that ring true to that era.