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Thursday, July 2, 2020

Steve Clifford

Steve Clifford, the former CEO of KING Broadcasting, has written humor for Crosscut.com and the Huffington Post. He is the author of "The CEO Pay Machine."

Trump: Standing Up For Our Freedom To Infect

Trump: "Face masks are the Green New Deal. Face Masks are socialism. Real Americans don’t wear face masks. Real Americans infect. FTI! Freedom to Infect!”

A Confession: My Bogus Plea-Bargaining in the Church’s Confessional

I had I stolen 25 cents off my father’s dresser, although, arguably, this represented a payment in lieu of benefits I would have obtained had the children of the house been allowed to bargain collectively. Though ardent Roosevelt Democrats, my parents flouted the Wagner Act in their own home.

Baker’s Dozen Fantasy: Trump Opens a Bible, Finds Actual Moral Teachings

With an eye on his Evangelical base and Bible in hand, Trump pulls off another of his astonishing pivots.

Don Jr: The Comedy Stylings Of My Comic Genius Dad

“Today, Jared Kushner is the only comic on Dad’s level. Have you seen Jared’s Mideast peace plan?”

My Campaign to Bar Straight, White Males From Voting

Recent findings strengthen my case. Neurologists have discovered a disorder called NASCAR cortex. “Watching cars circle a racetrack for 3-1/2 hours, while hoping in vain to witness a ghastly accident, severely degrades synaptic communication within the neocortex.

Inside the Idiocracy: Alexa Answers it All for You

A Snide Steven tries and fails to get Alexa clued in to the pandemic's costs. Alexa answers with crocodile tears and Amazon propaganda.

Stuck At Home? It’s Working Out Great For This Misanthrope

"It has been a great Spring. The Mariners are enjoying their best season in 20 years. All board retreats and planning sessions are cancelled. Week after week with no flip charts, no magic markers, no breakout groups, no facilitator praising blather as great ideas."

Humor: Trump, “Reality” TV, and another Brilliant Cabinet Meeting

"I am planning a three-hour television special, 'The Toughest Decision in History,' where I will announce the biggest decision I have ever faced, in fact, the biggest decision that any political leader has ever faced. It will be incredible TV. Tremendous TV."

“We Shall Beat It On The Beaches, We Shall Beat It On TV” – Trump’s COVID Oratory Through Our Churchill Spinometer

Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to me, and me alone. Only I can fix this.

Black Humor: Investing In A Time Of Plague

“Our new model portfolio is 45% gold mining stocks, 45% canned food, and 10% timeshare interests in fallout shelters.”

Latest Post Alley Posts

Mayor Durkan Snaps And Out Pops a Decisive Mayor

It is extremely unlikely that the council would heed her advice and investigate and punish Sawant, even though few on the council harbor any affection for the boundary-pushing socialist.

We’re Number One! (In Property Crime)

As local leaders consider restructuring their police departments in response to citizen concerns, they will need to consider the impact that those restructurings will have on the ability of the departments to respond to the very high levels of property crime in the region. And those leaders may want to step back and ask how Seattle ended up with such high rates of property crime in the first place.

Godden: Remembering A City Hall Watchdog, Fauci Bobbleheads, and AWOL Pirates

At Seattle City Hall, you could see Mr. Locke seated in a favored seat, usually in the front row of the council chamber, 10 seats from the right side. He habitually signed up to speak at committee meetings. In time, councilmembers could have written his speeches. He would tell us to "stop wasting so dang much money."

Indexer: Empty Roads Coming To An End? Yes, But Slowly

All kinds of trips have increased since the low points of late March and early April. As people have returned to work, transit use has increased. At the same time, the residential line has fallen by more than half, as people gradually emerge from their self-isolation.

One Of My Distant Ancestors Was An Oregon Missionary. Should His Statue Come Down?

Moving the statues around may be a sort of deck chairs on the Titanic exercise if we don’t do a deeper dive into the complex history of this nation. On the other hand, the statues could be an entry point.