Can’t Miss Campaign Promises

Presidential candidates seldom deliver on their campaign slogans.

In 1845, Democrats chanted “54-40 or Fight,” but in 1846 President Polk settled with Great Britain on the 49^th Parallel as the northern boundary of Oregon Country and turned his attentions to starting a war with Mexico.

In 1920 Warren G. Harding promised “A Return to Normalcy,” and then defined normalcy as bribes and corruption.

Herbert Hoover’s slogan was, “A Chicken in Every Pot and a Car in Every Garage.” Subsequently, he gave America the Great Depression.

FDR ran on a balanced budget platform in 1932 and later initiated deficit spending.

“All the Way with LBJ” became “All the Way to the Tet offensive.”

Before invading Iraq, Geroge H. W. Bush’s slogan was “A Kinder, Gentler Nation.”

Bill Cliniton’s slogan was, “Building a Bridge to the 21st Century.” Nobody, including Clinton, knew what this meant.

Hillary toyed with the slogan “It’s my turn.” It wasn’t.  

Then she tried “I’m with her.” They weren’t.  

Finally, she pivoted to “Stronger Together.” Democrats together is an oxymoron.

“We’re Not Going Back” was Kamala Harris’ slogan. We went back.

Trump pledged to “Make America Great Again” in three presidential elections. How did that turn out?

Failure to achieve campaign slogans promotes voter cynicism. Therefore, I have compiled a list of campaign promises that most politicians can fulfill:

1. Almost never been indicted.
2. You could do worse and probably will.
3. Cheats at golf only if two down.
4. Will appoint cabinet members the equal of Hegseth, RFK Jr. and Kash Patel.
5. Bold, daring and fearless, I will Make America Mediocre Again.
6. My opponent is a few Valkyries short of a Ring Cycle.
7. Often sober; Occasionally honest.
8. Don’t blame me. It’s Biden’s fault.
9. Could grow in office. You never know.
10. Refuses bribes over $7,500,000 except for Qatari airplanes.
11. Stopped doing that three years ago.
12. Vamos Yuntas, Compos Mentis.