Steve Clifford: Saving The World One Word at a Time

In retirement, I determined it was time for me to give back and make the world a better
place. I decided to devote my considerable talents to rectifying mispronunciations.

The French word “forte” means “strength.” It is pronounced “fort,” the word from which it
derived. The Italian word “forte” (pronounced like the number forty) means “strong.” The beastly non-word, “for-tay,” was introduced by pretentious arrivistes, hoping to pass as
cultured and erudite.

I advised that saying, “This is my strong,” while mispronouncing “strong” did not mark them as cultivated. But, if I pronounced “forte” correctly, I would soon be corrected. A courteous person would say “So, that is your for-tay,” charitably seeking to educate without embarrassing me.

I realized that rectifying pronunciations was not my for-tay. Instead, I decided to enrich
American discourse by introducing needed words that the English language lacks.

The German word “schadenfreude” literally means “damage joy,” the pleasure one takes
from the misfortunes of others. It’s what one feels when an unpleasant neighbor totals his $350,000 Ferrari without harming anyone.

Though rare in Seattle, schadenfreude is a common human emotion. The average New
Yorker experiences it twenty-three times a week.

At least the Big Apple needs a word for this sentiment. I am considering the words
“paybackel,” “goodygoody,” and “earned-it.”

There is no English equivalent of the French word “élan.” This may reflect the typical
Ameriucan deficiency in vigor, style, elegance, confidence, and grace. However, we
exceptional few would appreciate a one-word label. I think that “Cliffordesque” is the most fitting English word for “élan.”

English has no word for the awkward kluge “and/or.” The Latin word for ”and/or” is “vel.” If “vel” was good enough for the Romans and/or the Byzantines, it’s good enough for us.

The German word “gemütlich”’ comprises, in a single adjective, feelings of comfort, coziness, good cheer, and belonging. Today, when contentment is irrational, an English equivalent is pointless. If we return to more comfortable times, the Gemütlich TV shows of the 1950s will provide the needed adjective, either “Lucy” or “Beaver.”
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Because it has many meanings, the Italian phrase “Mamma Mia” is not translatable. The
closest English equivalents should be avoided. “Holy shit” is a scatological profanity, and
“Holy Fuck” is an obscenely blasphemous. English already has adequate phrases for expressing astonishment and wonder. Bring back “WowWee, “Jumping Jehoshaphat!,” and “Goodness gracious.”

I have identified 137 foreign words that lack an English equivalent, including:

• The Spanish word estrena, wearing or using something for the first time. The Italian word abbiocco, the feeling of sleepy contentment after eating a large meal. The Portuguese word saudade, a melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent and may never return.

I will address this list after I compose the most desperately needed word of our times — a one-word description of a political leader who is a narcissistic, felonious, avaricious,
duplicitous, dishonest, vulgar, retributive, unscrupulous, graceless, despotic bully.

I can’t think of a word.. Suggestions?