Gettin’ Down with the New In Crowd (A Primer)

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Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

Years ago, being cool was a common ambition.  Today few aspire to be cool. Being cool is not cool.

Moral superiority is the new goal. Both the Woke Left and the Patriotic Right hold that their political beliefs emanate from, and confirm, their moral superiority.

They may be wrong about many things. They may be confused and wavering about careers, investments, marriages, children, friends, and the weather. Yet about politics, they have NO doubts They know how everyone should think and act, because their own political thoughts and actions are impeccable, exemplary, and absolute.

Moral superiority is rewarding if outrage and umbrage is your idea of fun. If not, reconsider cool. Compare life in the 1964 song The In Crowd (lyrics below) with that of today’s Woke and Patriots.

COOLWOKEPATRIOT
I’m in with the In CrowdProgressive ScoldsOath Keepers
I go Where the In Crowd goesTo facilitate DEI trainingTo a Prosperity Christian Evangelical Church
I know what ____knows The In CrowdMSNBCInfoWars
I party Anytime of
of the year
During National Brotherhood WeekOn January 6
Dressin’ Finewith a “Tax the Rich”
sign at Opera Galas
Open carry and MAGA hat 
Makin’ TimeAccusations of cultural appropriationBorder walls
We breeze up and down The streetTerrified College DeansGlobal child-trafficking rings
We get respect from the People we meetCis-PlorablesDeplorables
People know we’re Out of sightOut of lineOut of our minds
I know every latest DanceGenderVoter fraud
It’s easy to find RomanceMarginalized IdentityJewish space lasers
At a spot where The beat’s Really hotA safe space deters  stereotyping and demeaning verbal assaults while also fostering the creation of new
vocabularies for resistance
Where the BIPOC are not
If it’s______we aint there
SquareA socially constructed hierarchical system of powerVax & mask
We make every____count MinuteMicroaggressionFetal heartbeat
Our share is always The biggest amountExhausting emotional laborEverything not nailed down, and anything we can pry up is not nailed down.
Other guys _______us ImitateUnconsciously deprecateCannot deep state
But the original’s still The GreatestGot exclusions that invalidate the cultural heritage of othersThe only valid Constitutional
interpretation
We got our own way ofWalkin’Composing a new vernacular to parse the complexities of intersectionalityMisrepresenting, fabricating and outright lying
We got our own way of Talkin’DefundingDetecting conspiracies
and witch hunts
Spendin’ CashYour tax dollarsTrump tax cuts
Talkin’ TrashLatinx instead of LatinoSpic instead of Latino 
I’ll show you a real Good timeExample of oppressive entitled social privilegeMarxist teacher training program in your local school
Come on with me and 
leave your _______behind
TroublesWhite fragilityCritical race theory
You ain’t been nowhere
till you’ve been
In with the In CrowdOn the traditional land of Coast Salish people, including the Duwamish People, past and presentAdmitted to freedom-loving, masculinist,
post-truth utopia
(yeah, yeah, yeah) LSDBooster shotsOpioids mixed with
Ivermectin, purchased
at livestock feed lots

Here are the lyrics of that once-cool song:

I’m in with the in crowd 
I go where the in crowd goes 
I’m in with the in crowd 
And I know what the in crowd knows 

Any time of the year, don’t you hear?
Dressin’ fine, makin’ time
We breeze up and down the street
We get respect from the people we meet
They make way day or night
They know the in crowd is out of sight

I’m in with the in crowd 
I know every latest dance 
When you’re in with the in crowd 
It’s easy to find romance

At a spot where the beat’s really hot
Oh, if it’s square, we ain’t there
We make every minute count
Our share is always the biggest amount
Other guys imitate us
But the original’s still the greatest

We got our own way of walkin’
We got our own way of talkin’, yeah

Anytime of the year, don’t you hear?
Spendin’ cash, talkin’ trash

Girl, I’ll show you a real good time
Come on with me and leave your troubles behind
I don’t care where you’ve been
You ain’t been nowhere till you’ve been in

With the in crowd, yeah
Oh, with the in crowd (yeah, yeah, yeah)

We got our own way of walkin’, yeah (yeah, yeah, yeah)
We got our own way of talkin’ (yeah, yeah, yeah)
In the in crowd

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Steve Clifford, the former CEO of KING Broadcasting, has written humor for Crosscut.com and the Huffington Post. He is the author of "The CEO Pay Machine."

6 COMMENTS

  1. Loved this. Not only was it the funniest thing I’ve read recently, but since it hilariously rips the left and right wing nuts equally, it has pioneered something new. It lacks a name, and probably always will, because the only possibilities that come to mind –centrist or even-handed humor, moderate satire, common sense put downs, etc., are risible themselves. So it may have to be known as the humor that dare not speak its name. No matter. It’s funny.

  2. I first began to realize that cool was no longer cool while watching the 1986 time-travel fantasy “Peggy Sue Got Married”. Carried back to her ’50s high school days, Kathleen Turner has just dumped her boy friend Nicholas Cage. Cage says something like this:
    “Peggy Sue, what’s wrong?
    I got the hair….
    I got the teeth….
    I got the car…..
    I’m the man!”

  3. I always wear my hair shirt while reading satire, that way I can enjoy the humor while simultaneously punishing myself for it.

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