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Wednesday, May 27, 2020

7(0) Deadly Sins: Clifford’s Five-Year Plan For Surviving Trump

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Witnessing the Democrats self-immolate, I decided to prepare for Trump’s second term. Preserving my health is my main concern. Preserving American democracy could follow.

“My mental and physical health cannot withstand nearly five more years of being infuriated by Trump,” I told my wife. “For the next five years I will not become incensed by anything Trump does. I will pay no attention to him.”

“Cold turkey won’t work,” she said. “Trump rage is highly addictive. You have to ease off gently. Start with ignoring a single annoying Trump trait.”

“OK. I will start by overlooking his narcissism,” I said.

“Whoa, that’s a tough start if narcissism includes his grandiosity, self-absorption, vainglory, and egoism, which is not the same as his egocentrism and egomania.”

“Then I will start with overlooking something easier. Starting in March, I will brush aside his atrocious taste.”

“Easy? You think you can ignore Trump’s garish glitzy, crass, vulgar, crude, meretricious. boorish, graceless, and tactless daily exhibitions?” she asked. “Start with something simple. In March begin with the beastly length of his ties. In April add that for all his money, he employs cheap tailors and none of his suits fit.

“Then disaggregate his cheating. In May ignore his cheating in business. In June, his cheating at golf. In July, his cheating on his wives. In August his cheating on taxes. In September, you will ready for his tyrantophila.”

“What is tyrantophila?”

“Love of dictators and tyrants.”

“In October, I can handle Trump’s avarice.”

“You won’t be ready. Wait until 2024 to ignore the seven deadly sins.”  

I immediately went to work on my five-year monthly plan:

“I listed 70 of Trump’s infuriating personality traits to ignore but I have only 58 months,” I told my wife:

1. Autocratic 2. Avenging 3. Bigot 4. Bombastic 5. Bully 6. Calamitous 7. Callous 8. Catastrophic 9. Charlatan 10. Chiseler 11. Corrosive 12. Corrupt 13. Criminally litigious 14. Cupidinous 15. Deceitful 16. Degenerate 17. Depraved18. Despicable 19. Despotic20. Dishonest21. Duplicitous 22. Fraudulent 23. Grifter 24. Heinous 25. Hoodlum 26. Ignorant 27. Ill-informed 28. Immoral 29. Imperious 30. Implacable 31. Incensed 32. Incompetent 33. Iniquitous 34. Intolerant 35. Lawless 36. Loathsome 37. Malicious 38. Misogynist 39. Nefarious 40. Noxious 41. Pernicious 42. Pompous 43. Racist 44. Rancorous 45. Reckless 46. Retaliatory 47. Retributive 48. Revengeful 49. Scammer 50. Serial Harasser 51. Sexist 52. Spiteful 53. Swindler 54. Unprincipled 55. Unqualified 56. Unscrupulous 57. Venal 58. Venomous 59. Vile 60. Voracious 61. White supremacist 62. Wicked 63. A few Valkyries short of a Ring Cycle 64. Lustful 65. Gluttonous 66. Avaricious 67. Slothful 68. Wrathful 69. Envious 70. Prideful.  
Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford, the former CEO of KING Broadcasting, has written humor for Crosscut.com and the Huffington Post. He is the author of "The CEO Pay Machine."

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