‘Yes, Dear,’ and Other Foolproof Advice for a Long Marriage

My wife and I will celebrate our 56th anniversary in March. Younger friends ask me for
marriage guidance. I tell them to obey the six rules of marriage:

1. Complement your spouse at least twice a day. For years I delegated this task to Alexa. I programmed her to text two compliments to my wife twice a day. After Alexa started repeating herself, I upgraded to ChatGPT. I marvel at the time I save with new technology. My wife is less appreciative of the digital world.
2. Observe the Ten Second Rule. When my wife and I have an argument, we adhere to the Ten Second Rule. Every half hour we take a ten second break. Neither party is allowed to speak during his break.
3. Become a Cook. I do all the cooking for our family. For me, planning the menu, shopping for the best ingredients, cooking the meal, and selecting the right wine is a delight by itself. My wife adores, and frequently praises, my cooking. Though never mentioned, she recognizes that at any moment I could starve her to death by pausing her food supply. Good marriages thrive on such happy thoughts.
4. Never Go to Bed Angry. When angry, I never go to bed. Instead, I drink a few extra Cognacs and sleep on a couch.
5. Always say “Yes Dear” John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington followed 130 newlywed couples for six years to discern the causes of marital success and failure. For years, the psychological community believed successful marriages sprang from “active listening, hearing the real meaning behind what a spouse says. The Gottman study found that active listeners had no greater success than couples who slammed doors. I was reassured, since I do not practice active listening. I seldom listen at all. Listening, I have learned, only encourages them.
   
   Gottman determined that good marriages had one thing in common, a husband who is considerate, caring, and always responded “Yes Dear” to his wife’s wishes. I now always respond, “Yes Dear” to my wife’s wishes.

My wife occasionally complains that I never follow up on my “Yes, Dear” promises. I
explain that the Gottman study did not address fulfilling promises. Further research is
needed before jumping to such hasty conclusions.

6. Give more than you take. My wife and I both follow this rule, but we employ different methods of scoring.