Trump Tribute: What Should I Name my Baby?

There is a new fad in North Dakota, where Trump enjoys a 67% approval rating.
Expecting MAGA mothers gather in small groups to discuss baby names that
celebrate and honor Donald Trump.

I contacted the leader of one group, Brandi Silver. She invited me to Bismark to
attend a meeting. Brandi began the session by asking Raylene to pick the Trump character trait that she most admired.

Raylene: I applaud Trump’s vengeance. His rule is two eyes for an eye, and a mouthful of teeth for a tooth.

Brandi: Let’s go around the room and think of baby names that connote vengeance.

Kyrstal: Revenga” for a girl’s name and “Revengo” for a boy.

Misty: Adding an O and A is too common. I like Vendettina or Vendettasue for a
girl and Avengearino for a boy.

Brandi: Those are both good ideas. But have you thought about D names?

Kimberly: What is a D name?

Brandi: A name that begins with De or D’. Many professional athletes have D
names. The NFL alone has over 30 D names including three named DeAndre and
one D’Andre. To honor Trump’s vengeance, one could choose among four D names– DeNigrate, DeStroy, DeBilitate, or even D’Capitate. This is how Trump exacts his revenge.
Kaylee, it’s your turn to pick your favorite Trump character trait.

Kaylee: I salute Trump’s avarice. In his second term he and his family will make billions from crypto and Saudi real estate deals. He deserves it. Any suggestions for a name connected to greed?

Marylou: For boys you could choose between Konartist, Cyptrogoniff, Buncoguy,
Mountbanker, and Swindleshami. For girls Charlatana Fraudulentina, Swindlynn, and Grifterita.

Raylene: You could use DeFaulter and DePracate to signify his business triumphs and DeSpotic, D’Monic. DeHumanizedand, and DeBauched to define his presidency.

Brandi: Excellent suggestions Marylou and Raylene. Kimberly, it’s now your turn
for a noble Trump trait.

Kimberly: Trump’s superlative trait is duplicity. During his first term, the Washington Post reported that the president told 30,573 lies. No one can lie like Trump. Trump will abolish the entire concept of truth. I have several duplicity name thoughts — for boys, Mendacious, DuPlicit, and Falisfyfire. For girls, Perfidious, Prevaricature. Farbricature.

Raylene: There are six D names for duplicity: DeMagogue, DePredate, and DeCeitful are spot on, but I also like DeVious, DeFrauder, and DePlorable.

Brandi: Great selections, Marylou and Raylene. You’ve both done your homework. We can’t improve on your lists. Now to you, Tiffanie.

Tiffanie: I treasure how Trump abides by the law, if the law is reasonable. When the law makes no sense, Trump abides by executive orders. This is exactly what we elected him to do. Can anyone help me with a child’s name for this trait?

Kimberly: Technically Trump is a Felon. The banal Feloniousa and Feloniouso are useable, but I prefer Misscreant for girls and Convicterino for boys.

Raylene: You might also consider D’Linquent, DeFault, and DeGenerate.

Brandi: Your turn, Krystal.

Krystal: Trump’s grandest achievement in his second term is appointing celebrities to high office. From watching Fox News I feel I truly know Tulsi Gabbard, Pete Hegseth, Sean Duffy, Jeanine Pirro, Kayleigh McEnany, Dr. Oz, and many more. I trust them because they look good on TV. What children’s names would suggest these appointees?

Charlene: For boys I like Incompetentino, Ignoramusing, Boneheadric, and Fumbleit. For girls Amateurisha, Halfwitless, Numskullina, Ingnorama.

Raylene: Five D names would fit here — DeFective, DeNse, DePraved,
DeNotMuchUpstairs, D’AFewValkeriesShortOfARingCycle.

Brandi: Groovy. Outta sight! It’s your turn Charlene. We saved the best for last.

Charlene: People who attended Trump’s Court trials last year called him the Emperor of Flatulence. I’m not sure what this means, but it sounds impressive. I know I could fall back on the names Flatulenta and Flatulento, but I am looking for something more fragrant. Suggestions?

Brandi: Regarding flatulence, the English language is impoverished. No one wants
to name a child Butt-bazooka, Trouser-trumpet, Thunder-from-down-under or
Bottom-Burp. In this case, you might try foreign names such as Péter (French), Fjärta (Swedish), Scoreggia (Italian), Băşi (Romanian), Peido (Portuguese), Kentut (Indonesian) or Pordhë (Albanian).

Raylene: Don’t forget D’Sgusting, D’Spicable. DeBacle, DeVastating.