In one hour this morning, on-line betting in America broke the record for the largest handle in a single week. This was due to:
- The Major League Baseball’s pennant races
- The start of the NFL and college football seasons
- The New York Times extensive coverage of all 20 soccer teams in Spain’s LA Liga
- An Atlanta grand jury
The answer is (d). The Atlanta grand jury’s indictment of Donald J. Trump on 13 felony counts triggered a surge of a new form in on-line wagering.
Trump has now been indicted on 91 felony counts (40 for in the porn-star hush money, 34 in classified documents, four for attempting to overthrow the government, and for 13 the Georgia crimes).
Today, bookmakers began taking bets on the number of Trump convictions that might follow these indictments. The Over/Under bet is the most popular. Here the gambler bets (11 to win 10 against the house) that Trump’s convictions will, or will not, exceed a certain number.
Joey the Greek, the Las Vegas odds maker, initially placed the Over/Under bet at 43.5. This morning, the Over/Under number fluctuated wildly. The number plummeted to 29.5 when Trump announced that he had found 11,781 votes for him in Georgia, hidden in his porn collection in Mar a Lago. The bet then rocketed to 61.5 after CNN reported that the alleged votes were classified 2018 plans to invade Iran for a third time labeled, “Let’s Get Together and Do It Again.”
Billy the Macedonian at BETONLINE introduced a quadfecta felony bet that can produce eye-popping payoffs. In a quadfecta, the bettor picks the exact number of felony convictions in each of the four lawsuits. A $100 winning bet would average over $7 million.
However, Abie the Scythian at WINNBet advises wagering on individual indictments. “Don’t be a putz,” he counsels. “Convictions on indictments are not equally probable. Bet on the most likely.”
Suzie the Assyrian at CeasarsBook agrees. “Look at Count Eighteen of the porn star case. The charge is: FALSIFYING BUSINESS RECORDS IN THE FIRST DEGREE…to wit, an entry in the Detail General Ledger for Donald J. Trump, bearing voucher number 861096.”
“Compare this with 6. a. of the Classified documents case: In July 202 I, at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey, during an audio-recorded meeting with a writer, a publisher, and two members of his staff, none of whom possessed a security clearance, TRUMP showed and described a “plan of attack” that TRUMP said was prepared for him by the Department of Defense and a senior military official. TRUMP told the individuals that the plan was “highly confidential, and “secret.” TRUMP also said, ”as president I could have declassified it,'” and, “Now I can’t, you know, but this is still a secret.”
Suzie the Assyrian advises arbitrage. “Short the porn star and long the classified attack plan.“
Aside from enriching casinos, are these indictments affecting politics? Trump once stated, ““I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters,” But, even hard core MAGA Republicans are now wavering.
Rep. Jim Jordan, a strong Trump supporter, recently stated, “If Trump is convicted of more than 97 felonies, I might not vote for him.” Jordan said he chose that number “because Hunter Biden’s laptop alone has committed 96 felonies.”
If Trump exceeded this number, Jordan said he would consider the younger, up and coming, Republican leaders. “Mephistopheles, Mammon, and Belial have Trump’s self-control, kindness and truthfulness without his baggage,” Jordan said.
Sen. Lindsay Graham, who has endorsed Trump, also may reconsider. “If Trump is convicted of more than 32 felonies, maybe the Republican party should look for someone else,” Graham said.
Graham added that “The Republican party has a very strong bench of potential candidates. Look at Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Satan. They have Trump’s honesty, compassion, and altruism without all his baggage.
While Trump’s core voters remain steadfastly loyal, his support among suburban women has decreased after each indictment.
“I can condone three felony convictions,” said Ms. Constance “Muffy” Beaumont, a morality policewoman in Greenwich CT. “This happens to many of our good friends who work on Wall Street. But over five convictions blazon bad manners. I’ve raised my children to accept that three is the limit, even if you work for hedge funds. I will not vote for Trump if he goes over the limit.”
“I voted twice for Trump,” said Ms. Lurlene Baylee, a public-school book censor in Clearwater, FL. “I won’t vote for a Democrat, but if Trump gets convicted on more than 37 counts, I might write in Lucifer, Beelzebub, or Mephistopheles. They have Trump’s modesty, decency, and unblemished reputation without all his baggage.
Still most Trump loyalists believe the indictments are political hit jobs. “It’s a witch hunt,” said Chester Buck, a Police Sargent in Dothan, AL. “But as we say in Alabama, ‘That witch won’t hunt.’ Trump has already been elected President twice. The third time will be the charm.”
Sgt. Buck dismissed the next generation candidates– Belial, Mammon, Mephistopheles, Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Satan. “Those kids are not in same league as Trump. They lack Trump’s vacuous, vain, vapid, venal, vengeful, venomous, vexatious, vicious, vile, villainous, vilifying, virulent, violent, vindictive, vitriolic, vituperative, voracious, and vulgar virtues,” Buck said.
The article was a delight to read.
I do have one nit to pick with Sgt Buck: Belial, Mammon, Mephistopheles, Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Satan are not “kids”. They are as old as the hills. Trump is a suckling babe in comparison.
Sorry for not joining in, I am too busy looking down at the sidewalk in shame.
In all seriousness, the sports books in Britain do take bets on non-sports events like the Oscars, a royal baby name, and UK/US elections. It would not surprise me at all if they’ve got odds on Trump convictions.
I’ve raised my children to accept all the appropriate v words and to add vomitorious as well.
A very fine article with just as many or more proven “facts” than Trump posts on any given day. He claimed that he will produce proof that his loss in the election in Georgia was due to fraud on Monday August 21. We’ll see…and maybe next week will finally be his “Infrastructure Week” too.
In response to Pontius Pilate the crowd roared “Give us Barabbas!”
#Bolshevik
So many good original lines. Especially treasure: ‘That witch won’t hunt.”
Laugh a minute, as usual.
Yes, really funny, as usual. And ‘That witch won’t hunt’ is a meme-stream candidate to watch.
An interesting wager would be to guess the date that the first felony trial for T actually starts. Will it be January 2 or sometime in February, March, April? Items to choose: what date, which indictment, what courthouse, what judge with the powerball choice being what attorney will be the lead council for the defense.