Attention OED: Time to Juvenate Many Funct and Tinct Words


Image by PDPics from Pixabay

“Having nothing better to do during Covid, I’ve decided to rejuvenate extinct positives,” I told my wife, Judith.

“What are extinct positives?” she responded.

Steve: Words such as promptu, bridled and wieldy. Today these words are used only with a negative prefix.

Judith: So promptu will mean rehearsed, wieldy is practical and bridled implies controlled?

Steve: Precisely. Defunct words will once again be funct and scrutable. People will be gruntled, consolated and mayed as these words flate their vocabularies.

Judith: Everyone will be gusted.

Steve: And requited, once these extinct positives are beknownst and effable.

Judith: I am plussed. You semble and display a great amount of ertia and epitude. But, don’t let yourself  get maculate.

Steve: Don’t be peccable. I want you to have givings about this venture.

Judith: I have many givings. I think this is an ane endeavor. You have a choate plan to make vocabularies more shevelled.

Steve: So, you agree that I am petuous and pulsive?

Judith: Absolutely, and also dulgent, dolent and bilitating.

Steve: So long as I remain advertent and capacitated, my work will be kempt, couth and corrigible.

Judith: And ruly and conscionable.

Steve: And ebriated and sipid.

Judith: Your ebriation and sipidity are plorable. You will be a sung hero, precated and paraged for your bauchery, gradement and cadence.

Steve: Don’t forget my pravity.

Judith: I won’t. You are the most praved person I know.

Steve: I promise to stay traught, dignant and combobulated, while remaining placcable, transigent and always tressed.

Judith: Don’t get too nerved. Remember that you are pareil and vincible; success is eluctable, evitable and exorable. Start with reanimating easy words—delible, defatigable, chalant, gainly and cognito. These should quickly become nomers.

Steve: I will be pudent, always appearing ert but never flappable.

Judith: And what will you get out of this?

Steve: I hope to become digent and pecunious.

Judith: And then?

Steve: I will fenestrate Jared Kushner.

Judith: What does that mean?

Steve: I will throw him into a window.

Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford
Steve Clifford, the former CEO of KING Broadcasting, has written humor for and the Huffington Post. He is the author of "The CEO Pay Machine."



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