Earlier this month, Fox News halted its daily programming to livestream Pete
Hegseth declaring war on “Narco Communism.”
In 1848, Karl Marx, a strung-out Heroin Smackie, and Friedrich Engles, a Speed Freak, wrote A Narco Communist Manifesto that proclaimed, “Workers of the world, get stoned! You have nothing to lose but your sobriety.”
Later, in his foundational book, Zonked and Wasted, Marx envisaged a utopian society of equality and sharing, under the banner of “From each according to his stash, to each according to his monkey.” At the 1903 Peruvian Marching Powder conference in Brussels, Vladimir Lenin, a strung-out crackhead, asked “Why isn’t everybody rolling?” and formed the first Narco Communist party.
This party soon split over toking weed. The Bolshev-Blitzed insisted on Smolelensk
Sinsemilla while the Menshev-Methheads demanded Pinsk Purple Haze. Exiled from Russia for being a zombie on Lady Junk (Heroin), Lenin searched Europe for the perfect high. Consecutively, he was plastered by: China White (Fentanyl); Black Beauties, White Crosses (Amphetamines) in Poland; Yellows and Mother’s Little Helper (Barbiturates) in Switzerland; Big Chief (Mescaline) and Magics (Psychedelic mushrooms) in France; Angel Dust (PCP) and Dancing Shoes (MMDA), in Finland; Special K (Ketamine) and Soap Bar (Hashish) in England.
On a sealed train loaded with 50 kilos of cocaine bricks, Lenin returned to Russia
on April 16, 1917. After Lenin promised “Highs for the guys, trips for the chicks, and acid for the masses,” the Bolshev-Blitzed took power in Moscow and renamed themselves Narco Communist in November 1917. They quickly established a secret police force, CHEKA, to verify that all Russians were bingeing on Cocaine, Heroin, Ecstasy, Ketamine, and Acid.
Russia erupted into civil war (The Great Stoner Battles) with the Reds (Narco Communist Speed Freaks), eventually defeating the Whites (Right Wing Crack Cocaine Junkies) in 1922. Russia became the first Narco Communist nation. Its first five-year plan mandated daily Jackpot skin-poping (Fentanyl) and doubling the production of Dipperhead (PCP).
Today Narco Communists rule Russia, Cuba, The New York Times, Afghanistan,
Mexico, Colombia, most talent agencies in Hollywood, Belarus, Turkmenistan,
the States of Nevada, California, New York, the Working Families Party, and the
spaced-out Seattle City Council.
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