News Junky: Tell Me the News


Doggerel inspired by a grave in Ireland whose tombstone reads “Tell Me the News”, which, being a lifelong news junkie, I always thought I’d like mine to read too:

The grave’s a fine and private place
But none I think do there embrace
Especially in a noisy race
When pundits scream from place to place
And talking heads proclaim the words
Of villains, despots, smoking turds,
And unmasked crowds who could care less
Encouraged by the thoughtlessness
Of stupid, venal leaders who
Have led us into such a stew
And trampled on our civil rights
While getting richer day and night.
Don’t tell me of the current news
I can’t read more without my booze
Or carbs and weed – what’s there to lose?
Without another daily dose
Of truth and lies – it’s all and both.
The grave’s a fine and quiet place –
The end of news I’ll soon embrace.



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